Pickled hard eggs

1. Get yer eggs
   
   
2. Boil. I say 8 minutes
   
3. Put in cold bath so they peel easier
   
4. Brine is 3 cups vinegar to 2 cups water, plus 1/4 cup pickling salt.
5. Add some fun stuff to the brine. I used dill, chives, capers, garlic.
6. Let sit for a few days to soak the goodness. Enjoy!

Potatoes-and-kale

"It's easy." "It's good." "It's easy!" "It's good!"

Laides, please - it's BOTH!

Potatoes and kale, two great tastes that taste great together.

Ingredients:

1. oil
2. little potatoes, like fingerling
3. bunch of kale, coarsely chopped, remove stems
4. garlic and/or onions
5. salt, pepper
6. (optional) sour cream

Directions

1. blanche potatoes, should take about 8-10m
2. While blanching, heat up oil to med/low and sauté some coarsely chopped kale. Throw in some garlic and/or onions. Toss around a bit while potatoes are blanching
3. drain blanched potatoes
4. add to kale, sauté some more, mix around a bit. Bump the heat up a bit to get things a little crispy
5. salt & pepper to taste
6. Can serve with some sour cream for extra yum (but not vegan)

I challenge anybody that dumps on kale to try this.

Kimchi noodles

Ingredients:

1. Garlic
2. Ginger (I will use both garlic & ginger from a jar when I'm lazy. which is often)
3. Cooking oil
4. Sesame oil
5. 3 eggs
6. 3 bricks of dried noodles
7. Miso paste
8. Chicken or veggie bullion (I'm veg, but I eat chicken broth. I should turn in my membership card)
   
   NOTE: I recently tried dashi powder (which is used in miso soup stock), and I'm 100% a convert. Only dashi now.
9. Chopped various veggies that fry well (I use this as an opportunity to clean out the fridge. Onions, bok choi, cabbage, peppers, etc.  Don't go to heavy on veggies so you don't overpower the kimchi)
   
   I sometimes add some fried or extra firm tofu here.
10. Rice wine vinegar or mirin
11. Chopped kimchi
12. Chopped hot pepper, whatever is available (I like Thai chili)
13. MSG
14. Chopped green onion
15. Chopped seaweed
16. Sesamee seeds

Steps (do as much in parallel as possible)

1. Garlic & ginger in cooking oil on lowest heat to sweat.
2. Whisk eggs and add some sesame oil. Start making an omelette. Don't fully cook it, leave a bit runny.  Remove runny omelette from pan.
3. Turn up heat on garlic & ginger, add chopped veggies & optional tofu. Stir fry.
4. Boil water, miso paste and bullion / dashi. Add noodles when you've got about 3m left with the veggies. You'll want to almost, but not fully cook the noodles, so they can stir fry and not go mushy.
   
   Watch your miso - it'll want to clump in the boiling water. You might want to whisk your miso separately in a small dish of cold water before you boil it.
5. Add some rice wine vinegar / mirin to the veggies / tofu and cover, steam a bit to make sure fully cooked through.
6. Add chopped kimchi, and get as much of the sauce as you can with the veggies. It'll get a bit runny when you chop it.
7. Add chopped hot pepper. Stir fry just a touch.
8. Sprinkle some msg.
9. Add runny omellete, chop it up with the veggies.
10. Add almost fully cooked noodles.
11. Stir fry.
12. Turn off heat
13. Add chopped seaweed, green onion and sesamee seeds
14. Salt to taste

Tofu eggs

Ingredients

1. 3 Eggs
2. Sesame oil
3. Packaged Fried tofu (Kalamazoo's Pacific Rim sells some lovely stuff)
4. Little bit of garlic 
5. Cooking oil
6. Green onion

Steps

1. Heat cooking oil in egg pan
2. Whisk 3 eggs
3. Add drop of sesame oil 
4. Add garlic
5. Add a few (4) wedges of sliced fried tofu, combine
6. Make an omelette, sprinkle a little MSG near the end
7. When done, top with green onion. Salt & pepper to taste

Spraaang Drink (lilac)

Fizzy lilac spring alcoholic beverage

(not pictured, actual drink made. ope.)

Prep time: 1-2 weeks, pref start in early/mid May for max fragrencey goodness.

Consumption time: asymptotically approaching 0

Directions

1. Buy 1 bottle of cheapest drinkable vodka. I've been liking Titos or (esp) Reyka. Don't spend much $ on this, but it must be drinkable (sorry popov).
2. Buy some distilled water & sugar.
3. Get a mason jar or three & a lid
4. Pick some lilacs & stuff them in the mason jar. And by "some" I mean "a bunch".
   
   Bonus street cred for lilacs from a graveyard, but follow the campsite rule & leave the space better for you being there.
5. Stuff the mason jars full of the fresh lilacs.
6. In one jar, fill full of vodka. This is the alcohol part (duh).
   
   Put a lid on it.
   
   WAIT 1-2 WEEKS, OR WHATEVER
   
   
7. In another jar, fill full of equal parts sugar & distilled water. This is the fizzy part. The lilacs will react with the distilled water & sugar to make tasty bubbles.
   
   I erred on the side of slightly more water than sugar. It's super important to use distilled water to get the bubbling process right.
   
   Also, lid the stuff.
8. Stir the lilac water 3x a day. They will look a little gross by the end. Grow up & realize that sometimes gross looking things are lovely.
   
   WAIT 3-4 DAYS
   
   
9. Th' drink: 
1. 1 shot lilac vodka, strain out the flowers.
2. half glass with lilac fizzy sugar water, strain out the fleurs.
3. finish glass with soda water. I don't like super sweet drinks for the pounding of the head the next day.
4. Squeeze bit of lemon & garnish with said lemon.
   
   
   

Don't lose your top. Or do, I'm not your mom.

PRETTY!

You can just use the fizzy part for a non-alcoholic drink, if you wish. Again, I'm not your mom, so do what you want.

Pesto Eggs & Veg Chili - The Chipping

Th' Chili

Ingredients

1. oil
2. chopped onions
3. chili powder, cumin, smoked mild paprika, pepper, salt
4. Can or two of diced tomatoes. mayhap tomato paste.
5. White vinegar
6. Can or two of black beans
7. 💘💘💘LOVE😻🌈🦄

Directions

1. oil in pan, pan on low
2. onions in pan. let 'em sweat like c&c music factory
3. add spices to make a gravy. sweat some more, richard simmons.
4. tomatoes, add a glug of vinegar, bring to boil
5. reduce heat, reduce to a good consistency
1. consider the lily adding some water & tomato paste for thickening and depth of flavor.
6. after about 15m or so, add your beans. Don't be a dork and add them too early, or else you'll get mushy beans.
7. cook for a bit. Salt to taste. Stir while looking whistfully in the distance, remembering with fondness a misspent youth.

Aigs

Ingredients

1. butter
2. chopped onions
3. eggs (duh). 3
4. basil pesto
5. Salt ... and Peppah!

Directions

1. butter in pan. melt low. onions in pan. sweat (are you detecting a theme?)
2. whisk eggs & a glorp of pesto. whisk them, whisk them good
3. med heat, pour in pan, make an omelette
1. after about 30s or so, cut some holes in the cooked bits so the eggs cook all the way through. also lift the sides, so the eggs on top can cook through.
2. Cook covered over low at the end, so the top bits are cooked through.
3. Admire that this looks like a damn pizza.
4. Salt & pepper to taste.

Serving

Cut a slice of the egg. Put some chili on it. Eat it.

My friend suggested serving this way, so this is named after him (the Chipping). 

Bone Appiteet 

Cardamom Rice and Curried Cauliflower

Cardamom Rice

Ingredients

• Glug cooking oil
• Powdered cardamom, ginger, garlic
• or substitue with the real deal for the ginger & garlic. I am lazy.
• Salt or MSG
• 1 cup uncooked rice
• 1.5 cups water

Directions

1. Glug cooking oil in pan
2. Flame on low
3. Blort of cardamom, ginger, garlic in pan
4. Let sweat for a little bit
5. Add uncooked rice, stir
6. Let sweat for a little bit more. Less than 36 hours please.
7. Add water & salt or MSG
1. (btw, people in the US get #triggered by MSG. I love the stuff and use it when I can. It's great flavor)
8. Boil, stir, flame low, cook 20 minutes covered.
1. "Alexa, set a rice timer for 20 minutes!"

Curried Cauliflower

Ingredients

• Glug cooking oil
• Half onion
• A foo's worth of ginger
• I use ginger paste because I am lazy. I also don't use ginger paste in the rice because I am a man of mystery.
• Curry powder
• support your local Asian market

• Bit o' Butter, or ghee for authenticity
• Handful o' Chopped spinach
• Half cauliflower, chopped
• Handful golden raisins (shhhh. secret ingredient!)
• Half can coconut milk
• Little bit of water for steaming
• Salt to taste

Directions

1. Glug cooking oil in pan, low heat
2. Add onions and ginger. Let sweat
3. Medium heat, add butter and melt
4. Add a generous amount of curry powder. You're trying to make a gravy here, so not so much that it's powderey, but not so little that it doesn't taste of the curry.
5. stir together. Add more butter if it's too powdery.
6. Add spinch, cook down.
7. Add cauliflower, stir, get it covered in curry
8. Add coconut milk & golden raisins & stir
9. Cover & let steam. Maybe add some water here so the cauliflower steams correctly
10. "Alexa: your rice timer is done, your rice timer is done"
11. Salt & Taste. Maybe add some more curry powder if not curry enough. And vow to be better next time

Eating

Sauce on rice in bowl or plate. Use a fork. Try to get most of it in your mouth. You know the drill.

Spicy Miso Peanut Chickpeas

A chickepa dish that's good enough to eat without an accompanying starch (rice, naan, whatevs). 

I'd have a picture here, but the 2 times I made it, I ate it fast enough so there wasn't time. I could show you a photo of the dirty pan that I cooked it in, but nobody wants to see that.

Also, it's super fast to cook, maybe about 15m.

Ingredients

1. Oil
2. Grated ginger (can substitue powder)
3. Grated garlic (can substitute powder, but do you really not have garlic in your kitchen?)
4. Miso paste
5. 1 can chickpeas
6. chili paste
7. Coconut or almond milk  
8. Peanut butter
9. Soy sauce
10. Green veg that likes to cook, like bok choi, broccoli or gai lan
11. Salt
12. Lime.

Recipe

1. Cook ginger & garlic in a pan with a little bit of oil over medium until the flavors release, ~ 1 minute.
2. Prep some miso by putting 1 tbsp in a bit (1/4 cup) of hot water. stir it up so it doesn't get clumpy.
3. Add soime drained chickpeas to the pan.
4. Cook them up with the (now liquid) miso.
5. Add some chili paste, to desired heat level (1/2 tsp?)
6. Add 1/2 cup of the coconut / almond milk.
7. Add 1tbsp peanut butter. Smile smugly if it's the natural and organic kind that your kids refuse to eat.
8. Add some soy sauce, maybe 1bsp or so.
9. Stir, bring to boil. Unclump that peanut butter.
10. Add your chopped up green veg. I've been using bok choi with this, but anything that maintains a firmness & a crunch after a boil would be good here. You don't want to overcook this & get it all soggy - it's a texture thing.
11. Cook it all together until your green veg is done and it thickens a bit. 
12. Add some salt.
13. Before your eat, juice half a lime onto your dish - the fresh squeezed lime pairs really well with the peanut, soy & miso flavor.

The "Lydia"

1. Glass of ice
2. 1 shot St-Germain
3. 1+ tablespoon cardamom simple syrup
4. top off with fizzy lemon water
5. Ignore the butter in the background. You don't want that in your drink.
6. garnish with lemon and the hopes of your ancestors

Called "The Lydia" after my neice, who is, unsurprisingly, named Lydia - her idea for cardamom simple syrup & elderflower as a combination.

CBFT

Creme Brulee French Toast

Ingredients

1. 1 stick of butter
2. cup of brown sugar
3. 1 baguette
4. 5 eggs
5. 1.5 cups half & half
6. vanilla
7. amaretto or some other fancy liqueur 
8. salt
9. cinnamon

Directions

1. melt butter, dissolve in brown sugar, pour in baking dish
2. cut crusts off of baguette (this is a PITA but really important. feed the crusts to your chickens)
3. Slice into half inch slices and place over the brown sugar
4. mix 
1. eggs, 
2. half & half, 
3. vanilla, 
4. tsp salt, 
5. .5 tsp cinnamon
6. glug of fancy liqueur
5. pour over bread
6. Cover, let set in a refrigerator overnight
7. Bake 350 35-40m

This is 100% an Easter staple for us. While my wife sets an amazing table with multiple dishes, this is my single paltry contribution, but it is fairly popular. I've gotten a few requests for the recipe, so here it is.

Note: this was largely driven by the allrecipes recipe, although I've done this one enough that I was able to type this one out from memory with my own tweaks.

Gin Drink With a Thousand Names

1. 1 Unit of Malfy's Blood Orange Gin. Yum.
2. 1-2 Tablespoons of simple syrup, infused with ginger & lemon.
3. Top off with Aldi Belle Vie lemon soda water. Known in the Kostrzewa household as "lemon sad soda"
4. Garnish with an overwhelming sense of optimism.

Crowdsourcing a name to this gin drink resulted in:

1. The Snotty Biotch
2. Ginger Maryanne Gilligan
3. Scurvy no more
4. The Headache
5. The Ron-Draco Ship
6. A Bloody Ginger Rogers
7. Pink Passion
8. Futile Breeze
9. Three Hour Tour
10. Heaven’s Stank 

My recommendation is that, like all things beautiful, it can be both every name and no name simultaneously.

Now, to deal with the fact that COVID-19 has taken all my gin away.

On the Theory and Practise of Hot Ham Water

At a venerable 50 years old, I attribute my longevity to two main pursuits: Daily-ish workouts in Wu style T'ai Chi Chuan, of which I am a registered disciple, and multi-day consumptions of a concoction that I call "Hot ham water".

Hot ham water is hot, but contains no ham. It's name derives from a single throwawy gag of an episode of Arrested Development. "So watery, yet there's a smack of ham to it!"

Making hot ham water is simple:

Ingredients

1. A teapot
2. Water
3. A knuckle of ginger. Please support your local Asian market by purchasing from them - it'll be much cheaper. Dressing your ginger as a lobster is optional.
   
   
   
   
   
4. A lemon. I care less where this is purchased.
5. A device to heat the water. I use a kettle. Others use other things.
6. (optional) Sweet osmanthus tea. I find the flavor pairings lovely, and I use this when I want an extra caffine boost beyond the 47,000 cups of coffee I drink each day.

Directions

1. Heat water to a boil.
2. Chop a thumb size of ginger into smaller bits.
3. Slice lemon in half, and then quarter it.
4. Ginger, quartered half-lemon, and optional tea goes into the teapot infuser (as a side note, it took me a while to figure out that was called an infuser. I did web search "teapot schematic". While not helpful, it was an interesting rabbit hole).
5. Pour water over the good stuff.
6. Drink in your favorite mug.
   
   

I will make about 4-5 pots of this throughout the day. When the ginger is less gingery, I'll throw the stuff away & start anew.

Special thanks to my many Indian friends & coworkers that extol the virtues of ginger. I often think of this as the "chicken soup" of India - a food that solves most physical and emotional problems. 

Peace to my original hot ham water custom designed mug

that was lost in Kalamazoo's own Lawson Ice arena while distracted by chaperoning a middle school party. I will see you at the crossroads, friend.

Vegetarian curry noodles

One of our daughters is originally from China and she is obsessed with noodles. My wife makes awesome miso kimchi noodles, that is a go-to.

As one of my favorite foods from pre-veg days was Singapore chow mei fun (Singapore style fried rice noodles with curry sauce & meat), I wanted to try to make something similar.

Making this is fairly effortless now, so I don't follow much of a recipe - it's mostly an excuse to "eat down" whatever vegetables are still good, but a little long in the tooth. I'll try to call out the important bits.

I'm also awful with sizing things. Pours are a "bloop", spices are a "blop". You know when you've done wrong.

Ingredients

1. Dry rice noodles & water to cook said noodles. Maybe 2-3 blocks of noodles.
2. Oil
1. canola, vegetable - the cheap stuff - used for frying
2. sesame oil - the expensive stuff - used for final dressing.
3. 2 eggs
4. Spices
1. curry paste or powder
2. cardamom powder
3. salt
4. pepper
5. Chopped Vegetables
1. Ginger (if you don't have ginger, you can substitute with spice powder. I also really like buying tube ginger when I find it. So much easier than mincing ginger).
2. Garlic and/or Onion - your aromatics
3. (Frequently) Mushrooms
4. (I would use, but she's not a fan of) Carrots
5. (ALWAYS) Cabbage, pref nappa. 
6. (Sometimes) Zucchini
7. (Frequently) Bell peppers
8. Other veggies - sure! I've even thrown in some chopped avacado after the cooking is done. Make sure to salt it with a nice chunky salt.
6. Sour liquid
1. I like & use mirin a lot - it's a good, kind of sweet flavor, but sometimes will use cooking sake. Whatever my hand hits first in our "cooking supports" cupboard.

About that cabbage - I fell like cabbage gets such a bad rap, and it's delcious. Stays crunchy on a fry, I love the texture. Cabbage all the things!

Steps

1. Get water boiling for noodles. Don't put your dry noodles in yet - they will cook in about 2m, and you want them slightly not done, so they can finish cooking with the good stuff below.
2. Get your wok on med/high heat with a bloop of frying oil. Let it heat up. If you don't have a wok, a regular pan is fine, as long as it has sides so stirring veggies doesn't make a stove mess.
3. Beat eggs with curry paste/powder, salt and pepper.
4. Cook your eggs, but not completely. Cooking will happen super quick & they should a bit liquidy . Throw them right back in the container you used for beating.   
5. If you need an extra bloop of frying oil, add it here.
6. Add your ginger, garlic / onion
7. Throw a little bit more curry paste / powder & cardamom on. Stir together for about 30s, so they cook but do not burn.
8. Throw in your other chopped veggies. This being a stir fry implies that you will stir, while they fry.
9. Salt & pepper the mix. Cook maybe 2-3m. It's an art, not a science.
10. Remember the boiling water? You're going to want to throw in the noodles here.
11. Add a bloop of the mirin or sake (or whatever sour liquid you pick). Cover the veggies & let them steam in it. 
12. When the noodles are not quite done, pull them out & throw them on the wok & mix with the rest of the stuff.
13. Remember the eggs? Throw them in now too.
14. Stir. Fry, maybe another 2-3m
15. Turn off the heat. dress with a little bit of the expensive sesame oil. Mix. 
16. Salt to taste to get flavors to pop.

Enjoy!

Photos
Ignore the mess. Life is suffering and chaos

stir fry

nappa cabbage!

noodles, quick boil

steam veggies in cooking sake

final mix with egg

Drink recipe: Brenda

1. Shot of gin
2. 1 Tbps of rosemary syrup (simple syrup & throw in a big sprig of rosemary. you're welcome).
3. fill the remainder of the glass with equal parts 
1. cheap Aldi Belle Vie Lemon Water 
2. cheap Aldi Burlwood extra dry sparkling
4. Shake, serve over ice, garnish with a dagger

I call it Brenda.  Pairs well with Lays sour cream & onion chips.

Pasta de Olio and Mushrooms

crazy easy

1. make pasta
2. olive oil glug
3. garlic, pepper, italian spices (bonus points for fresh basil)
4. cook a bit
5. chopped mushrooms, big dollop of butter
6. cook a bit more, throw on some salt
7. small dollop of pesto
8. cook a bit more
9. stir in cooked pasta to lap up all the good bits

Cardamom rice

I am in a Indian cooking mode right now, doing a ton of chana (chickpea) dishes.

This is my current favorite "base", just a simple rice.

Full vegan (but still, no crossfit).

1. Throw a small dollap of coconut oil in a saucepan, medium heat
2. 1 cup Jasmine rice in said saucepan. It's a whole new world
3. 1 tablespoon garlic in there as well.
4. 1 teaspoon ginger. My local schmaldi sold ginger-in-a-tube and I bought all of them. This has been transformative to my cooking, as cutting ginger into appropriate sizes is a PITA to me (but I still do it. Ginger, I can't quit you).
5. Healthy shake of ground cardamom. Maybe someday I use real cardamom pods. One can dream...
6. Some season salt.
7. Stir a bit, Let cook for 2-3 minutes. Burn rice, BURN! (I kind of like the blackened bits when all is said and done).
8. Put in 1.5 cups of water. Stir, so the blackened bits at the bottom are not fully stuck to the pan.
9. Jack up the heat to boil
10. When full rolling boil, turn down the heat to simmer, 1 final stir & cover.
11. Ask Amanda to set a 20 minute rice timer.
12. When done, uncover, stir, enjoy!

This worked really well with my lunch chana masala yesterday. The kinder devoured it as well, with fake Doritos.

Vegan avocado cream sauce

Old joke: If you were a vegan who did crossfit, what would you talk about first?

I'm neither, but found this recipe delicious. The kinder devoured it as well.

1. 1 large avocado
2. tablespoon of garlic
3. tablespoon of basil pesto
4. small handful of cherry tomatoes
5. healthy squirt of lemon juice
6. salt, pepper, Italian seasoning
7. glug of olive oil

Throw in a food processor & puree. Chunks of tomato will be left over. Admire their redness.

Toss over some pasta. Throw some Parmesan cheese on top. 

I haven't tried it yet, but I bet this would be lovely with some toasted pine nuts

or (better yet) saute some asparagus in butter just enough so that it's still crispy, toss pasta over the asparagus and then throw on the creme sauce.

Totally vegan, so +100 points from those who are keeping score.

The quest for the perfect hard egg

I love hard eggs. I'm a 49 year old man, and I love hard eggs. I have one for breakfast every damn morning. Along with French press coffee. So much French press coffee...

Notice, that I said hard eggs. Not hard boiled. I take great delight in annoying those around me (especially my wife) in my quest for precise language. I was going through a period where my hard eggs were done in my bamboo steamer, after I breakfast on a trip to Guangzhou. Thus, hard eggs, with no unnecessary information about how the hardness is achieved.

Sadly, I burned the hell out of my steamer (I need to pick another one up, loved that thing). No amount of staples could bring it back to life, so into the garbage it went.

Anyway, I'm still on a quest for the perfect hard egg. My current quest has me at

https://food-hacks.wonderhowto.com/how-to/make-amazing-hard-boiled-eggs-are-easy-peel-0154519/

where I'm picking and choosing what parts I of the recipe I want to follow based on just how lazy I am.

Trying

1. Splash of baking soda. Not a teaspoon like mentioned. I'm seriously too lazy to measure that, or anything else, to be honest. In my mind, this is "half a glug". 
2. I didn't warm my eggs. I can see future Kevin doing that, as he is informed by historical Kevin.
3. Now that we have a functioning refrigerator with an ice maker, I don't feel like I'm wasting valuable resources making an ice bath (like a frickin' Rockefeller). So we do that too.

I'm not shaking an egg or otherwise centering a yolk. I'm not doing any pinprick crap. Ain't nobody got time for that.

Here's hoping for the perfect egg.

The best fucking salad on the planet

My current obsession is goat cheese, and my forever obsession is saving money.

With those two forces in play, I picked up a Garlic & Herb goat cheese from Aldi and a few other ingredients (mostly from Aldi, as it's my grocery of choice) to make, what I came to understand as "the best fucking salad on the planet"

The salad is vegetarian, not vegan, and since the goat cheese is the centerpiece of the dish, I'd have a hard time making it vegan.

It has walnuts, so avoid it if you are allergic.

This, as all of my cooking, was completely off the cuff & will likely change over time. Pear + vinaigrette = fundamental win, so that's not going away ever.

What

1. Handful of spinach, chopped
2. Handful of Napa cabbage, chopped (courtesy of Pacific Rim)
3. Radish, chopped matchstick size
4. White onion, chopped. I like fairly long thin chunks in my salad for texture. I blame society.
5. Garbanzo beans, drained (duh) handful
6. Half Bartlett pear, cubed
7.  Chopped Walnuts, handful
8. Flavored croutons, handful
9. 2 Roma tomatoes, thick cubes. 
10. Chunky salt
11. Garlic & herb goat cheese, 1oz. Chunk it up. Use more if you're feeling dangerous.
12. Greek vinaigrette dressing

How

1. Put the stuff together in order of ingredients, above
2. Make sure to salt your tomatoes. They will thank you.
3. Admire the bright red tomatoes. Damn, don't they look good?

View

WIP

                                      

The good stuff